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Divorced Doesn't Mean Damaged

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As she collapsed to the ground, falling on her knees praying to God she questions why she decided to make the choices that she had. She always wanted a beautiful relationship, that would last instead of ending in divorce just as her parents marriage had. Even though she saw red flags in the men she dated, she still felt optimism in their character and stayed. Through her life she had to balance who she was, what she wanted and who she was with. She was never the one to date multiple men at one time, only one man that she would eventually fall for, and hard. She was always passionate and made sure to show her affection. She would mentally write down what these men loved, what they hated, their favorite food and favorite sport. She would surprise them with their favorite ice cream when they weren't feeling well, and when her domestic side kicked in, she would cook them dinner...from scratch.

She was the woman that she thought deserved love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, passionate, can't live without each other love. She had always dreamed for the day that she would have dinner ready for her future husband when he got home. She longed for a family, a big family that included countless nieces and nephews, children and grandchildren. She was so consumed by the thought of this that she said "maybe he is the one" for too many guys that she had dated.

Then she found it... She found someone that loved her and cared for her. She found someone that would go out of their way and drive 4 hours just to see her for a few hours. Things seemed too good to be true, too perfect and too right. Until they weren't. They eloped. This was the single most life-changing moment yet sweetest moment of her life. It was just her and him, no family, no friends..they were all alone. She would spend her time alone. Alone at the movies, alone at the park, alone on the weekends, alone when she needed attention, companionship and love. Even when he was around she felt alone, and most of all lost. She entered this new place that filled her heart, and allowed her to see life in a new and exciting way. She began to smile again, to make friends, to become social. She found people who related to her desires, to her fears and to her goals. The happier that she became the further away they drifted. She began to see him in a new light, that was much darker and sad than before. No longer did she see the man that she loved, but she saw this man who was only going through the motions instead of living life. She realized that he had a mean side, that he could be cold and unresponsive and lacked love for other people and for God. He never hit her, but his words hurt just as much. She thinks back on the night that they were drinking. She felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. She felt that maybe they could fix their relationship and maybe things could work out. Her happy thoughts were gone too soon because he uttered the most hurtful thing that can ever be said to a woman "If I weren't with you I would be with my ex". This breaks her heart and she begins to feel more pain from that one sentence than anything else that she has felt over the 2.5 years that they had been together. She realizes that it's too much, that she needs to slow down and begin to live a life that she has always wanted. To live a life that was meant for her, not one that was based on a guy.

She wants to move on, to find love and to embrace a new adventure but she's scared. She's afraid to tell people that she's divorced because they might judge her. She's scared to lose those that she is close with because she thinks that they won't understand. More than anything she is afraid to tell the man that she may date next. She is afraid that he won't understand, or that he will feel hurt. She is afraid that he won't see himself as being unique and special in her eyes. She is afraid that if a man proposes to her again that he may be thinking "she has done this already".

What this future man must know:

She is not damaged. Yes her heart has hurt because of this loss but she is still capable of loving 1,000 times more than anyone else she knows. She is stronger than you think. Even though she has been hurt, she is careful. She uses her strength to get her by, and to help her make smart decisions. You are special to her. Even if she has been engaged before, married before, divorced or has been in dozens of relationships(not that she has)...you are still the most important and special person to her. You capture her heart more than anyone ever has. You challenge her to become better, to move forward and help her to become the woman that she is meant to be. At times she may be stubborn, and yes she may disagree with you but she will always admit when she is wrong. In her eyes you are the only man that she has ever loved, because to her there was no one before you.

Don't feel afraid to love her because of her choices. God places people in our lives for reasons beyond understanding and her marriage was one of them.

My last bit of advice.

Love her, support her, comfort her, wipe away her tears when she is crying during a sad movie(it will happen a lot). Congratulate her when she achieves greatness, she loves to know that you admire her dedication and determination. Love her family, because they mean the word to her, and don't worry about them liking you..they will love you. Introduce her to your friends, and hang out together. The closer she becomes to you, the more she will want to be a part of your whole world. Just don't be afraid to fall in love with her. She may have a past, but that's just it...it is in her past. It doesn't reflect her love or commitment for you. She won't think about her past because she is too busy planning her future. She loves hard and she falls in love even harder. She will fight for you, support you, comfort you and defend you. She will be one of the greatest loves of your life. So don't take her for granted, don't forget to stop and appreciate her dedication. Don't over look the sweet things that she says or does, because to her the little things mean the most. Don't not love her because she has already loved, because you could be missing out on something truly wonderful.