I have always related to you more than girls. Perhaps this is because I have four brothers, or maybe it’s the non-existent drama that I find refreshing. Whatever the reason may be, I have always longed to have more guy friends.
In middle school I had my first taste of what a “relationship” consists of. I wasn’t pressured to hold his hand, or kiss him. I wasn’t pressured to respond to his random notes that he passed me in class. We had a very casual fling that only lasted a few weeks. It was simple, and it was innocent.
When I moved up in the world and entered the unknown, or as they call it “high school” I was taken back by how different everyone was. This is the time that I cherish, and miss the most. When things were still simple and boys weren’t confused about the girlfriend/just friends line. Sure I had guys that I dated, but I also had a lot of guys who were just my friend. They didn’t try to hit on me, or sleep with me. They were there for me, to make me laugh and to give me honest advice when I needed it.
Each time that I would find a boy that I liked enough to bring home I would hear “guys only want one thing”. I was very confused by this statement because to me guys were precious. They were shy and very respectful of me while we were together. These guys or even my guy friends never spoke of other women in a negative way and always respected them. I would get upset when I heard this because to me it was as if I was being told that, I was the one who was going to let something happen. That I had no control of my own actions and eventually a guy would take advantage of me. I ignored these messages and the unwanted advice that I was receiving from my parents.
I felt this way until I entered university, where everything changed.
Attending a university has begun to change my views of men, bringing me back to that advice that I hadn’t wanted when I was 17.
“Guys only want one thing”
It replays in my mind over and over again, without fail every time that I meet someone new.
This generation is damaged. It lacks the knowledge that it needs to not only court a woman but to also just be her friend.
Why is is that when a nice man asks me to lunch, I have to say “Just as friends”.
Even though he laughs it off and asks me back why women feel the need to say this, he still takes back his offer.
Am I required to hide who I am, and my own intensions?
What happened to the days when a girl could go out to lunch with her friend, without it meaning more?
What happened to the days when a girl could cuddle up with her guy friend without him reading too much into it?
Is there some invisible line that tells us what’s right and wrong when it comes to having the opposite sex as our friend?
Why is it that you can hit on me and flirt with me, crossing every boundary that I may have….but when I say that I want to be friends you walk away?
I wonder, what happened. Why did these amazing guys turn into shallow and self-centered men?
It seems to me that guys really do want one thing.
I just want to spend time with a nice guy who is respectful of my boundaries, that doesn’t cross whatever invisible line there may be.
I want a guy friend that I can watch a movie with, without there being awkward tension.
I want a guy friend that will listen to my words, instead of focusing on my body.
What happened to you?
I get it, kind of.
“Guys have needs”
“Boys will be boys”
But…what about our needs?
You could be looking at your new future best friend and without even knowing it you reject her because she won’t sleep with you. Or, perhaps you have just let go of the woman that was meant to become your wife.
If you are so closed off in life and continue to see us as one thing, as an object and as women that you want to sleep with, then you will be missing out.
You’ll miss out on the nights that we want to stay up playing video games with you. The nights that we can’t sleep so we call you and talk on the phone for hours. You will miss the days when our relationships are fragile and we need someone to talk to. You’ll miss your chance to be there for us, to laugh with us, to be friends with us.
All because of one thing.
To end this open letter, I have to ask one thing.
The girl that you let go